Leaving the baggage. Grabbing the the future.

One night at church this summer during the end of the service when the speaker asked if we would start the adventure with God to live through our lives in powerful ways, that we would die to our selves that God may live in and through our lives. And as I sat there with my head bowed I saw a picture of me packing my bags in luggage where there were stamps all over them from all the places I've traveled. Some amazing sights on top mountain, others depths of dark valley's of depression and sin and guilt. Than I picked them all up and started walking to like a starting line, than stopped and set them down and started walking on the new journey free of my baggage of guilt, insecurity, doubt, insufficiency, self consciousness and pride. I count not myself to have apprehended these: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

Then in the morning as I was working out in one of the multi purpose rooms of the gym I was listing to a song called Forgiveness. "

Laying down all that’s in the past, no bitterness putting aside all my pain and my pride, to be blessed I’ve learned what we hold against someone else will only wind up hurting ourselves we need love motivation

You got to take in the air and just breathe in believe in order to let a broken heart start beat, beat beating’ again of restored grace from a flash in a past space what’s left is a bad taste repairing from despair which left you unaware that others desperation of hating’ which had you stating’ what was done in the past, history, so ill, the sting from the blow, fast hit, it’s so real faced with the options presented forgive or resent it. to live or regret it, grip or forget it you got to love or hate it see, the truth’s been stated let it go, because the past has been dated now pardon me of my faults in the fall of me dignity placed in all we see drawn from a source of what we can’t force a loving trace of a crimson course no remorse."

As I was listening I looked up and there was a, somewhat life size, cross leaning up against the wall and I realized I needed to forgive my self, I have been punishing my self for all my past sins. Carrying the guilt as my duty, whipping my self, as punishment for my pride and doubt. But in so doing I was saying to God, Your Son dying on the cross and the punishment He endured wasn't enough. Your not good enough God. And when I realized that is what I was saying, I had a whole new realization of what the scripture says of, 'there is now no condemnation to him who is in Christ Jesus.' And the other one I had mentioned earlier, 'I count not myself to have apprehended these: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.' We can take the experiences and lessons learned from the past, but leave the baggage of the past behind that we may have both hands free to grab hold of the promise of the future!

Freedom in Prison

One of the weekends, us girls had the opportunity to help put on a church service for a woman's prison. At first mention of this I was a bit nervous and unsure about it, what could I offer them. As we drove out there, I told a friend, who is involved in prison ministry, about the ministry we were about to embark on and asked if he could pray for us; he said he love to and gave me these two verses: Joshua 1:9

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."

Matthew 10:16,19-20

"Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be as wise as serpents and harmless as doves... For it will be given to you in that hour what you should speak; for it is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father who speaks in you."

I read those right as we pulled into the parking lot, and once we parked we got the low-down of what we could and could not do. As they were talking about the do's and don'ts, the anxiousness just built up inside me more! It's a felony if you bring your phone in, don't touch the prisoners, make sure there are no personal items in your bible or any extra notes or things in it, no chewing gum, no walking through the aisles and other little requirements that they weren't sure we could or couldn't do. One of the other things they had said was that this was their first time being able to come to this prison, because all the other times they had tried it had been canceled. That was one of the reasons for so many rules, because they weren't sure what they allowed here or weren't as sticked with, it all deepened on the guard and the Lord's favor.

When we stepped outside of the car it was super quiet, so quiet it seemed eerie. We walked inside and signed in, and then walked through to the prison yard where as far as the eye could see was a white line of women. As we made our way to the chapel we walked along side of them, and as we passed each one of their faces lit up and said, 'thank you so much for caring!' 'Thank you for coming!'. The line continued inside the building all the way to the actual chapel where, once they signed in, they sat down every other seat, fanning themselves with the song sheets we had set on their seats. We made our way to the front of the stage where, off to the right, were a couple row of seats where we were to sit. As we sat there waiting for them to finish filing in, I scanned the sea of faces; empty, hurt, alone, scared, bitterness, abandonment, filled the audience. Once they finished filing in, one of the lady's on the team got up and welcomed them all and gave a small introduction why we were here. She asked if we could thank the guard who counted them all as the came in so that they wouldn't have to interrupt the study or worship time.

During the worship service, Amy, the gal leading worship, did the song 'My Redeemer Lives' by Nicole C Mullens; she started singing and then her voice was over powered by the women. Lifting their hands, standing to their feet with tears streaming down their faces. I couldn't bring myself to sing for I was overcome with emotion, I looked over the crowd and through the see of faces you could see the depth of steeped emotion on their faces. Its was as if all the stored up emotions in their hearts gushed forth like a waterfall portrayed on their faces, through their tears. Their faces relayed their souls cry; some you could just see, they KNEW their Redeemer lived! Others you could see, their were claiming in faith that their Redeemer did indeed live and had not forgotten them. To be able to worship with these women was a privilege I don't think I will ever have again, but am so thankful I can't fully express my gratefulness! They were fellow sojourners who have walked through a lot, but had not lost all hope, most were still walking out those trails and were clinging to the hope we offered like water to a weary traveler wondering in the desert. To be able to offer that hope and to know that was all we could offer and to realize that was all they needed made me realize God truly is more than enough for me! He is the only thing I can offer to people that it, in and of itself, is more than enough for them! I don' have to add on any of my 'stuff' His Word is all they need to set their souls free! And though those women were physically prisoned, in their souls freedom rang out loud! They were free indeed because they knew, their Redeemer lived!